


Phil

by analester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Depressing Thoughts, Gen, Low Self-Esteem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 00:24:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7662985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/analester/pseuds/analester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Most days, Phil is okay. He would smile, he would make mistakes, he would be happy with his life. He would believe life can't stop him. His is unstoppable. On other days, very rare days, Phil gives up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phil

Phil was tired. There was too much to do. Too much responsibilities, too much everything. Usually, he could handle it, no problem. However, his body can only undergo so much stress. This, right now, was Phil’s breaking point.

Nothing was going right. He lost his glasses and his book to track all of his taxes, his eye contacts were bothering him, and Dan was asleep so there was nothing he really could do. Editing became a pain when all he did while filming the stupid video was mess up. Phil couldn’t say his words right, he kept losing his train of thought, and everything wasn’t going the way it was supposed to.

On a normal day, Phil wouldn’t mind. He would laugh and then move on with his life. Sure, he would get frustrated, but he would close his eyes, take long breaths and try again. Never giving up was his motivation.

So, Phil kept pushing through. Phil sipped his coffee as he looked everywhere for his glasses, blinking rapidly to keep his eyes from burning. Phil’s head was hurting, but there was so much he had to get done. Every movement of his felt heavy and breathing started to become a job for him. His palms were sweaty and he felt sick, but he still kept pushing.

I can do it, Phil thinks to himself, lifting up the throw pillows that were previously sitting on the couch. The more Phil tried to look for his glasses, the more he imagined the stack of bills piling up, all of the pages for his book that he had yet to write, the over 2 million fans waiting for his video that has yet to be edited, and Dan’s disappointed face when he sees that Phil has failed to accomplish all of this.

Phil blinks back the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

You are not going to cry, Phil, he begged himself. He just wanted to get everything finished so he can sleep.

You’re so pathetic. I bet Dan could finish all of this no problem. He has perfect eyesight so he won’t waste the time you have searching for glasses.

“SHUT UP,” Phil yelled at himself a little too loudly before quickly covering his mouth, hoping he didn’t disturb Dan.

Dan. Phil hated Dan so much at the moment. Dan didn’t have to deal with the things he had to. Dan wasn’t practically blind, he could record a video without messing it up, he could edit the video and please his fans, and Phil, Phil was useless.

Feeling utterly pointless, Phil decided to retire to his bedroom. He rapidly escaped to his room, being careful not to slam the door closed. Phil fell onto his bed, finally relaxing his whole body. At last, the white hot tears started flowing down his cheek while his body trembled. Little helpless whimpers slipped out of his mouth as he tried to will himself to stop crying. Phil pulled at his hair, trying to pull all of the bad thoughts out of his head.

Useless.

Boring.

Pathetic.

Those words swirled through Phil’s mind, he couldn’t help it. There was no way to get them out.

Most days, Phil is okay. He would smile, he would make mistakes, he would be happy with his life. He would believe life can’t stop him. He is unstoppable.

On other days, very rare days, Phil gives up.


End file.
